NAVAL AVIATOR’S HEAVEN
**Original author unknown as of Jan 4, 2005
**To Jug 8-25-06: Just thought you'd like to know that this first poem was written by my Air Force Pilot Training Class 61-F classmate, Capt. Michael Larkin, TWA, RET, and first appeared in Air Line Pilot magazine in Jan. 1995. To the best of my knowledge, the first web publication was on my site dedicated to our class.
USAF Pilot Class 61-F.
I hope there's a place way up in the sky
Where Naval Aviators go when they die.
A place where a guy could buy a cold beer
For a friend and comrade whose memory is dear.
A place where no black shoe or pork chop could tread,
Nor a Pentagon type would e'er be caught dead!
Just a quaint little 'O' club; kind of dark, full of smoke,
Where they like to sing loud, and love a good joke.
The kind of place, where a lady could go
And feel safe and protected by the men she would know.
There must be a place where old Navy pilots go
When their wings get too weary, and their airspeed gets low.
Where the whiskey is old and the women are young,
And songs about flying and dying are sung,
Where you'd see all the shipmates you'd served with before,
And they'd call out your name, as you came thru the door,
Who would buy you a drink, if your thirst should be bad
And relate to the others, “He was quite a good lad!”
And then thru the mist you'd spot an old guy
You had not seen in years, though he'd taught you to fly.
He'd nod his old head and grin ear to ear,
And say, “Welcome shipmate, I'm pleased that you're here!
For this is the place where Naval Aviators come
When the battles are over, and the wars have been won.
They've come here at last to be safe and afar
From the government clerk and the management czar,
Politicians and lawyers, the feds and the noise,
Where all hours are happy, and these good old boys
Can relax with a cool one, and a well-deserved rest!
This is Heaven, my son, you've passed your last test!
Here's a different approach under a similar title. Although you non-aviators may not understand all of the abbreviations, you will no doubt get the gist of this wishful thinking embedded in the heart of the select few fortunate enough to have flown for the Navy.
Forwarded by Slim Russell
NAVAL AVIATOR HEAVEN
Original author unknown
Everybody's a Lieutenant except God. He is a Lieutenant Commander.
You only come to work when you are going to fly.
You fly three times a day except on Friday.
You never run out of gas.
You never run out of ammo.
Your missions are one hour long (or longer if you desire) and no briefings are ever required.
Sorties are air-to-air or air-to-ground, your choice.
You shoot the guns on every mission…
You are always on TDY, and there are no check rides.
It is always VFR, and there are never any ATC delays.
You can fly out of the MOA and down to 10 feet AGL...if you want.
There are no “over G's.”
There is never any Squadron Air Ops, Shore Patrol or Tower Duty.
You always fly overhead landing patterns with initial approach at 20 feet, then break left.
You can go cross-country anytime you desire… the farther the better.
There are no ORIs.
There are no additional duties.
There are no Friday AOM's, but Friday Happy Hour is mandatory.
There are no flight surgeons.
There are no Staff Jobs.
“Happy Hour” begins at 1400 hours and lasts until 0200+ hours.
The LSO is the bartender. They are all big bosomed, friendly blondes.
Beer is free, but whiskey cost a nickel.
The bar serves only Chevas Regal, Jack Daniels and Beefeaters… plus 500 kinds of beer.
The Girls are all friendly and each Naval Aviator is allowed three.
There are no fat women, and the thin ones look like Sophia Loren.
Country and Western music is free on the jukebox.
You never loose your room key and your buddies never leave you stranded.
The sun always shines, and you can put your hat in your pants pocket.
Flight Suits are allowed in the Officers Club at all times.
Functions requiring mess dress attire never occur.
The Exchange always has every item you ask for, most being free.
There are never any crosswind landings, and the runways are always dry..
Control Tower flybys for wheels-up checks can be made at 600 kts.
There are never any noise complaints.
Full afterburner climbs over your house are encouraged.
Fitness Reports always contain the statement, “Outstanding Officer.”
All air traffic controllers are friendly and always provide priority handling.
The airplanes never break.
“ACE” status is conferred upon all Naval Aviators entering Heaven.
THERE IS NO HELL