STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES

Forwarded by William T.

Unlike David Letterman's Stupid Pet Tricks, these could be labeled Stupid Human Tricks.

Wonder whose picture was on those? Police in Wichita, Kansas arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two $16 bills.

Target malpractice. A Johannesburg, South Africa man shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.

Hopeless heister. A young bank teller, new to the job, was approached by her first robber. Noticing that the man's grammar was not the greatest, the teller figured that the man was slow-witted. She told him that he had to have an account to rob a bank. Disappointed, the would-be robber left empty-handed.

Broken record. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.

Who would be left to prosecute? In California, the Chico City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.

Asleep on the job. A criminal who broke into a couple's house started to take the TV, but instead, turned it on and began to watch. He supposedly liked the program and lay down on the bed. It was at night, he was tired, and fell asleep. When the couple came home the next day they found him and called the police.

Opportunity knocked. In St. Louis, a car hit a bus carrying five passengers. By the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and complaining about “whiplash injuries and back pain.”

Oops… sorry! Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

Slow get-away. A Providence, Rhode Island hijacker knocked-out an armored car driver and stole four bags of money. The bags contained $800 dollars, but weighed thirty pounds each since they all contained pennies. The hefty bags soon slowed the fleeing criminal to a sluggish stagger. Police easily ran down and arrested the exhausted suspect.

Clever, but stupid. A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him after he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen during the lunch hour.

Lie detector. Radnor, Pennsylvania police interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message “He's lying” was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the “lie detector” was working, the suspect confessed.

Call the police. When two Ionia, Michigan service station attendants refused to hand over cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was promptly arrested.