Random Thoughts About Life
  • Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos — you never know what's going to burn your butt.
  • I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
  • Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
  • Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't need them again.
  • I don't have an attitude problem - you have a perception problem.
  • Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, ” Where is the ceiling?”
  • On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
  • I don't suffer from stress - I am a carrier.
  • Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
  • Be careful — a pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the rear.
  • Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted.
  • Ring the bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself.
  • What should you give a man who has everything? - A woman to show him how to work it.
  • How can you tell which bottle contains her PMS medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap.