Random Thoughts About Life
- Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos — you never know what's going to burn your butt.
- I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
- Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
- Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't need them again.
- I don't have an attitude problem - you have a perception problem.
- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, ” Where is the ceiling?”
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
- I don't suffer from stress - I am a carrier.
- Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
- Be careful — a pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the rear.
- Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted.
- Ring the bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself.
- What should you give a man who has everything? - A woman to show him how to work it.
- How can you tell which bottle contains her PMS medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap.