(MEDIA) ALL THE NEWS UNFIT TO PRINT

By Jug Varner

My friend RADM Bill Thompson, former Chief of Navy Public Affairs, sent these along to me for laughs…and I want to brighten your day by sharing them. Those of us who have been involved with news publication for any length of time know how difficult it is the keep the errors down to a minimum. It is a fact of life that to eliminate publication errors entirely is impossible—and we all have our personal experiences in that effort.

Headline writing skill is an art form that few people possess, and it is easy write dumb ones when you're in a hurry to meet deadlines—which is always. Here are the gems he sent along:

Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is There A Ring of Debris Around Uranus?

Prostitutes Appeal To Pope

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Miners Refuse To Work After Death

Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant

War Dims Hope For Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Hospital Sued By Seven Foot Doctors

Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half