BUSH FAILS TO PREVENT EAST COAST BLIZZARD
Minorities Hit Hardest
As President Bush and his staff sit comfortably in the White House, the snow continued to pile up on the many poor and African American victims in the D.C. area who could not afford to get out of town or to safety in Florida.
Crucial supplies of blankets, hot cocoa, popcorn, gold jewelry, plasma TVs, Colt 45s, and dark rum - so essential to surviving the stress of any major snowstorm - lay in stores undelivered.
“Where is the government? I need my sidewalk shoveled so I can get out to buy my lottery tickets!” said one D.C. resident from his living room. “Why are we wasting money in Iraq when we could be spending it here on me?”
Progressive bloggers blasted the President for his inaction. “We find the timing terribly suspicious - just as the Domestic Spying hearings kick into high gear, what happens? A major northeast Blizzard. Why now?” wrote one blogger.
Hearings into the Blizzards' effect on hearings are almost a certainty. Howard Dean has suggested he will call for an investigation once his new medications kick in.
John Kerry took a break from his winter ski vacation in Aspen to call for new legislation outlawing snowstorms. “The Republican Congress has dropped the ball once again. I have always been a staunch supporter of anti-snow legislation, except for certain locations where I ski. Snow has no business on our roads and the President and Congress know that.”
Calls for impeachment over SnowGate, as some are calling it, already are mounting as deeply as the snow itself, and what will be discovered underneath will prove to have a truly chilling effect on the Republicans, as the inevitable thaw proceeds.
This just in… More breaking news…
Jesse Jackson wants an investigation as to why snow is always white.
It is reported that Dick Cheney has stock in Tru-Value Hardware. Do you have any idea how many snow shovels they sold today to the unsuspecting consumer?
The American people will demand to know why FEMA has been so late in reacting to this storm. They knew it was coming! And yet they failed to have crews in place to fix the electricity the minute it went off. It just shows that Bush and the Republicans don't care about the people in the northeast. The Senate needs to investigate this with administration personnel under oath.
Farther northeast it is speculated that the great junior senator from N.Y. has opened the doors of her Long Island mansion to all of the heatless poor of her neighborhood and is busy baking cookies for them while her husband applies body heat to the nearly frozen teen-aged girls.