HEADLINES IN THE YEAR 2030
- 86-year, $75.8 billion study, Diet and Exercise are the Keys to Weight Loss is concluded.
- Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
- Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
- Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
- Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
- Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
- Florida voters still don't know how to use a voting machine.
- France pleads for global help after being over taken by Jamaica.
- George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
- IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
- Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
- New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
- Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California.
- Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
- Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
From Bill Thompson
There's a new scam is being pulled mainly on older men. What happens is that when you stop for a red light a young, nude woman comes up and pretends to be washing your windshield. While she is doing this another person opens your back door and steals anything in the car. They are very good at this. They got me 7 times Friday and 5 times Saturday. I wasn't able to find them on Sunday.
QUIPS FROM THE WISE
Your argument is sound, nothing but sound. - Benjamin Franklin
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm. - Vince Lombardi
Learn some craft when young, that when old you may live without craft. - Anonymous