GUY RULES

From AirBurd

Author unknown - but obviously he is either a young stud who is still single or hasn’t been married long enough to know who is really in charge! Please note the category is humor.

At last, a guy has taken the time to write the men’s side of the story. We always hear the rules from the female side, but now here they are from the male point of view. Each has the same value, but they are offered here in alphabetical order:

  • A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
  • All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
  • Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 Days.
  • Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
  • Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
  • Crying is blackmail.
  • Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
  • I am in shape. Round is a shape!
  • If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
  • If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act as if nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
  • If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
  • If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
  • If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
  • If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
  • Men are not mind readers.
  • Shopping is not a sport and we are never going to think of it that way.
  • Sunday sports are like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
  • Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
  • When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… really.
  • Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
  • You are a big girl, learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining when you leaving it down.
  • You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
  • You have enough clothes.
  • You have too many shoes.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.