Forwarded by Susan

  • After you reach a certain age happy hour is a nap.
  • A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
  • Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
  • Do you realize that in about 40 years we'll have thousands of old ladies with tattoos?
  • Money can't buy happiness, but crying in a Cadillac is more comfortable than in a Yugo.
  • Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
  • No one ever says, “It's only a game,” when his team is winning.
  • No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
  • Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
  • Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs
  • The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
  • The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
  • To err is human, to forgive — highly unlikely.
  • Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?