(FIRST AID) OLD BOOZER'S REMEDIES

Along with a bit of skepticism, I send this (unproven by me) set of “old boozer’s tales” remedies - primarily because of its unusual approach to the healing arts.

If true, I wonder if other types of liquor might do likewise? Or, why not just get some pure alcohol in the first place? Is there a chemist in the house?

Anyhow, here it is for whatever it is worth:

  • To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves adhesive.
  • To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
  • To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
  • Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
  • Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, then blot dry.
  • Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
  • Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
  • Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka and spray bees or wasps to kill them. (How’s that for getting dead drunk!)
  • Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziploc freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes.
  • Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.
  • To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.
  • To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.
  • Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.
  • Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the oil from your skin.
  • Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

BUT NEVER DRINK THE STUFF - IT'LL KILL YOU!!